What does Valentines Day mean for you?

Are you planning a romantic time?  It’s nice that it’s a Saturday so that more people can relax and chill with their loved one without being in work mode.  But what about those of us who don’t have a loved one?  Or those who are in a relationship where the love has faded?

Having spent many years with partners and many years without, I’ve had a mix of romantic  Valentine’s, disappointing Valentine’s, lonely Valentine’s and for many years now, happy-alone Valentine’s.

For some, it’s just another day that has been over commercialised.  For some, it’s about feeling loved, appreciated, valued.  For others, it’s longing to have the opportunity to participate in what otherwise leaves us out…….

LOVE.  It’s so natural yet can feel so elusive, and difficult !

Here are some lessons I’ve learned:

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved.  It’s whether we come from a place of knowing, deep down, that we are worthy and deserving of love, or whether we come from a place of neediness that is the question.

A deeply honed belief about being deserving of wholesome love will bring that to you, in the perfect time and space and often in a delightfully surprising way.

Being needy only creates unsuccessful relationships.  If having an intimate relationship is essential to you, what are you setting yourself up for?

You might consider what is blocking you from having a wholesome relationship.  Do you have unreasonable expectations?  Are you really open to receiving your soulmate or is it just a hope?  Do you mistrust your soulmate is out there?  Do you feel too old, too fat, too skinny, too busy, too independent, too self-sufficient etc?  Are you letting impatience get in the way?  Do you attract those who aren’t your Love Languages?  Are you too ‘desperate’?  Are you able to let love in?  Do you in fact, Love Yourself?

Our capacity to love and be loved first comes from Loving Ourselves, which I’ve written about in my last 2 blogs.  When we love ourselves we become the magnet to draw to us all our good, including our beloved.

A helpful exercise you can do is to write the details of how you would feel with your ideal partner (in the present tense of course); “With my partner I feel wanted, appreciated, valued, in tune with, comfortable, respected etc).  This is tremendously powerful to attract this and may show you where you need to grow to allow this in.  You could put these written pieces on a vision board along with appropriate pictures to really hone into the focus, feeling and speech patterning of what you want to allow yourself to manifest.  Finish off with “I am worthy and deserving of this or even better”.

Work on the relationship with yourself and be open for your beloved to come to you in the perfect time and space.  Trust that your perfect partner is out there looking for you!  In the meantime, enjoy working on yourself to be the best that you can be and able to receive them in, in readiness for when you meet them.  Choose to enjoy your life journey now, engaging in things that are less likely to happen once a partner is on the scene.

As you can’t know when your soulmate will come along, keep your focus on creating a great life for yourself now.  Even if you never meet that special someone, you will still have a fulfilling life!  To put your life on hold whilst waiting for Mr/Ms Right contradicts the very essence of living well.  Be happy enough in yourself to not need a relationship to be happy.

I am feeling very blessed this year.  I happened to mention to my 10 year old daughter that I can’t remember the last time I had a Valentine’s card, it was so long ago.

A day or two later, having asked for a pocket money sub, I saw she’d bought a Valentines card and she has told me she is cooking me a Valentine’s dinner Saturday night and I’m to wear something posh.

Bless her – and bless this wonderful thing called LOVE!

What will make this the best Valentines for you, regardless of your relationship status?

About The Author

Demi Schneider

- DHP HPD SFBT(Dip) GQHP MNCP AfSFH - Clinical Hypnotherapist & Psychotherapist - Metaphysical Life Coach - Solution Focused Brief Therapist - Founder & Facilitator of Depression Busting Courses - Author of “Beat Your Depression For Good”