Feeling Good About You
Hey - it’s great that you’re here - acknowledge yourself for this. Many people want to feel better but aren’t prepared to do anything authentic towards it - and you are, because you’re here.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all born in a beautiful place with loving parents who were happy themselves and who knew how to meet all our emotional needs and take care of us so we could flourish and thrive and reach our full potential and be our best self wth our best life?
If that had happened for you, how good do you think you might feel about yourself? Pretty good, eh?
The truth is that unfortunately, that’s a very rare occurrence. Most people in the world are born in ‘less than ideal’ circumstances or families and do not get their emotional needs met or sometimes even basic care needs met and do not get to flourish and thrive as well as they might. Even when parents do their very best coming from they’re coming from, it can fall short of allowing us to feel intrinsically good about ourselves.
It means that we have the capacity to feel good about ourselves - we just need the right care and messages to bring us to that space.
The good news is that this is something we can do for ourselves. We don’t need outside circumstances or experiences to dictate how we feel about ourselves, or leave it to other people to create the way we feel about ourselves.
Indeed, if we are wanting approval from others to feel better about ourselves, or wanting acceptance or love or permission etc, we actually just stay in the space of low self-feeling because even if we get the approval, or acceptance or love or permission etc this week, we’ll just need it again next week and the next. We just end up becoming more needy.
Instead, by cultivating the space of feeling good about ourself - faults, flaws and all - not only do we not need the approval, acceptance, love, permission etc., because we already feel those things for ourselves, we can actually ‘let them in’ when they come from others so much more authentically because we can believe them!
Let’s start working on this now:
The biggest single problem I have found is that people spend much more time focusing on what they don’t like about themselves rather than what they do.
It’s like if we find fault with ourself and beat ourself up over it - and then make a mistake and beat ourself up over that - and then compare ourself to someone else and feel inadequate so feel the hit of that - and then feel bad over another fault we have —— — that somehow, things will magically improve and we’ll feel good about ourself!
I want to tell you right now, that never works! We can’t build a positive from a negative.
If we want to start feeling good about ourselves we need to start noticing ‘what’s good about us!’
Sometimes, when we’re feeling really low it can seem there’s nothing good about us and we can just feel hopeless.
Yet the truth is you were born a baby. What baby isn’t born with good inside? All babies have good in them, be it their higher Enneagram personality (see my book, chapter one, to explain that!) or talents or abilities etc.
You were born a baby and have all those too. You may have been pulled away from that truth for whatever valid reason or reasons - to a small extent or an enormous one - but the truth it still is.
So if you really wanted to, I know you could start to find some good things about you.
Whether you do this with pen and paper or put it directly into your most convenient device, start making a list - right now - of any good qualities you know are in you innately. Below is a list to get some ideas going:
- A good friend
- A good listener
- Good at P.E.
- Good Communicator
- Like Making a Difference
- Give encouragement easily
- Tender hearted
- Big hearted
- Self Motivated
- Like contributing
- Look for new opportunities
- Fast learner
Please tell me you have found at least a few things from the above list to get you started! Keep adding to your list - every day. You can include physical things too, like you might like your hair or your eyes or your figure or have a nice smile.
Make your list up to at least 40 qualities you like about yourself. Yes - at least 40!
I’ve had clients get to 15 or 20 and then say ‘That’s enough!” No it’s not enough! There’s no “enough” when you’re recognising positive things about yourself!
Even if you start with only 2 or 3 qualities but add another one each day that you are willing to recognise in yourself, you will start to feel a little bit better about yourself - and by the time you get to 40 you’ll feel far happier about yourself!
And with all the things you currently don’t like about yourself - stop giving them attention! What you focus on grows and you want your good qualities to be growing, so focus on them.
The next thing you can do to help you feel good about you is to start ACCEPTING other people as they are.
It is much more difficult to feel self-acceptance if we’re judging other people all the time!
Decide now that, unless it affects you directly, it’s none of your business how someone else chooses to act, behave, speak, wear their hair, eat, live etc. Instead of using your time and energy to judge them, use it to cultivate your own sense of feeling good about you from a positive space.
When you accept everyone is responsible for themselves and that their choices are their concern, you create the room to let in your own self-acceptance. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them or condone their behaviour; it just means you stop exhausting yourself judging it. Once you stop judging and start accepting, you’ll find it feels much nicer and you will feel a big shift in the way you look at your world too.