Hello and welcome! Having confidence is such a life-changer isn’t it? I’m glad you’re here to find our how you can increase your own confidence.
Just imagine right now if you had all the confidence you needed to be and do and have and feel all you secretly want . . . wouldn’t that be great? How far off does that seem right now?
Confidence really comes from being comfortable with yourself. Sometimes people can appear confident on the outside but actually be very insecure inside - those people have just perfected an ‘outer show’ and are not really confident.
Other people are more authentically confident, which may come across as a strong personality or may be displayed much more quietly, with someone just having a strong sense of positive self-identity.
The important thing is how you feel inside about ‘you’. This is tied up very much with self worth and self esteem so you may want to look at those Topics on this website too.
However, just to address how to build more confidence specifically, here’s what you can do:
Firstly, just become aware of how your lack of confidence shows up . . .
How does it get in your way? . . . Do you feel held back? How exactly are you held back . . . in what ways?
Do you fail to stand up for yourself or speak up? Do you feel inferior to someone who strides in oozing with confidence? Do you sometimes feel unable to take the action you know would serve you?
Just take one of your answers - and just acknowledge how your lack of confidence is showing up.
Now make it a sentence, for example:
“I fail to speak up for myself”
“I don’t put myself forward enough in class”
“I let people/parents talk me into things I don’t want to do” “I am anxious around other people”
“I don’t feel good enough”
Just say it out loud . . . and acknowledge yourself for your honesty.
Now let’s reframe that . . . Imagine that - just for a moment - you DID feel confident enough to speak up or put yourself forward in class or whatever it is for you . . .
Just close your eyes and imagine yourself in that situation now. Just pretend that you had all the confidence you needed and were absolutely being how you wanted to be . . . doing what you wanted to do . . . or having what you wanted to have . . . How would you be feeling?
Imagine that feeling . . . and now buy into that feeling as if what you are imagining was real right now. Buy into that good feeling. See yourself as clearly as you can . . . or hear the sounds or feel the feelings of those images if you’re more audio or kinaesthetic .
Be in the space of your imagination . . . see it, feel it, that you are that confident . . . just as clearly as you can . . . you having all the confidence you need . . . now just open your eyes again . . .
Now gently ask yourself “Why don’t I allow myself to be that way?” “Why can’t I be that way in real life?”
Let the answer come to you. (Try not to overly analyse this - just ask yourself the question and let your natural instinct come up with the answer).
I’ll bet that it’s something based around these:
“I don’t feel good enough” “My parent/s wouldn’t like it” “I’m afraid I’d mess up”
“I don’t know how”
“I’m afraid people wouldn’t like me”
“I’m afraid I would dislike/hate myself even more” “I can’t see it happening”
Are any of these close to your answer - or even spot on?
(If not, and the rest of the information here doesn’t hit the spot for you, email me with what your answer is and I’ll get back to you).
What does your own answer fundamentally tell you? (As with all the answers above).
Isn’t it simply that you are giving your power-of-self away?
Instead, let’s question why you'd be giving your power-of-self away so easily: suppose you chose to take it back instead.
Here’s the truth: you cannot gain self-worth, self-confidence, self-respect, self-approval, self-acceptance etc from anyone else. That’s why they’re called self-feelings.
You need to feel these things for your self so that you can believe them!
Here’s how to cultivate that space:
The only way to increase our self-feelings, including confidence, is to rediscover them within ourselves. There’s nothing magical about them, although it can seem that way when we can feel them, we were born with the capacity of them innately.
It’s just that, having taken on board all the messages we’ve ever received from people and circumstances around us (consciously and unconsciously), we’ve grown to disallow ourselves to feel this way.
You can re-access them simply by using the power of your mind in a positive and meaningful way.
It’s true, isn’t it, that what we say to ourselves affects the way we feel physically? Those unwanted negative thoughts and feelings generate unwanted physical responses in our bodies. So what we tell ourselves really does have a tremendous impact on our lives and determines not only how we feel and our health, but ultimately what we can and can’t do.
So choose to use the power of your mind to tell yourself - even now - that you can start again, from this very moment and can rediscover all that wonderful capacity of positive self-feelings you were born with.
You are always in charge of what goes on in your mind, whether it feels like that or not. Only you can allow thoughts to live in your head. And what you focus on grows.
So tell yourself 10 times - out loud if you can - “I allow myself to feel more confident” You can count on your fingers if you like - and really buy into the feeling of being confident, because your brain WILL believe what you tell it.
A lot of the problem is because you’ve been telling yourself you lack confidence and that’s just grown because you’ve bought into it.
Keep your eyes closed for focus, take a deep breath and say 10 times “I allow myself to feel more confident” “I allow myself to feel more confident” “I allow myself to feel more confident”.
It is important to buy into the feeling as if it was real now, otherwise your voice will be saying one thing and your body feeling something different, which wont then have the desired result.
You could build up to “I am confident, I am confident, I am confident, I am confident, I am confident, I am confident’’ I am confident, I am confident’, I am confident, I am confident’ . . .
NOTICE how it feels. The truth is that every cell of your body is responding to every thought you have so when you tell yourself you’re confident, you’ll feel more confident!
And instead of looking for the evidence of how you lack confidence or believing that, be willing to shift that mindset to “I am growing more confident every day” and look for the ways that’s showing up - even tiny ways!
In time, with consistency, you will tip the scales and your confidence will have grown enough for it not to be a problem any more. And if you keep going, you’ll be one of those ‘naturally comfortable in their own skin, confident people’ that you envy right now.
And if any blocks come up like fear, lack of self belief, not feeling good enough or some other block, do the same thing . . . imagine if you weren’t fearful, you were calm and relaxed, what would that look like? If you had oodles of self belief - what would the difference make? If you DID feel good enough . . . or whatever other block there is. Just turn it around to what you do want to feel; imagine it; and then really buy into it as you say it 10 times over.
“I feel calm and relaxed” “I feel strong and capable”.
If you can do the 10 times twice a day and run your statement through your mind all day, you’ll soon notice that your confidence is growing!